15.5.05

Porn.

One of the many reasons that I know I have at least a tiny scrap of boy inside me - this recollection of porn exploration as a kid matches my own. Exactly. Down to every. single. sentence. The hand on the remote control, the scanning of the TV guide, the obsessive listening-out for family members. Exactly. It's fantastic, and quite interesting, because that's not learnt behaviour. It's pure instinct.

"We'd check our handy Premium Entertainment program guide, using the warning labels as a gauge (BN = brief nudity, N = nudity, SC = strong sexual content). We'd scan the movie listing until we got to something that perked our interest ("N, N, BN fuck you, N....SC?! We have a winner!"), and then try to watch that movie late at night, while the rest of the family was asleep.

As you can imagine, this was quite the stealth operation. We watched the movie without any sound (trust me, we weren't missing anything) and acutely aware of everything that went down in the house. We could discern every little nighttime sound, from the crickets chipring, the family pet moving around, the wind through the trees, when someone was moving around in bed, and even the bed noises - general rustling, trips to the bathroom, or the "Hey, I think the downstairs TV is on!" roll-over.

In case of emergency, we could switch the channel to Scooby-Doo reruns, throw ourselves on the couch, and pretend to have fallen asleep while watching cartoons. In order to live this lifestyle, we had to perfect the "Oh shit, something's coming!" Sense. It was this sense I would have to rely on for the rest of the day."

from Closing Time II by Azrael, of Outpost Nine.